I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
