Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
