so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm eating all of the evidence.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
