they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
