Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
