some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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