I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
