I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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