My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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