the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
