shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
