just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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