To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
