Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
