i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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