She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize