I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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