I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
