I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
