I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
