Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
