Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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