just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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