So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize