frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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