Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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