Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They have beer where we have blood.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
