Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
