The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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