You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Farmville is her only friend.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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