Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
