we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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