You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
