Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
