I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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