I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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