I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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