You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
