R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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