I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize