You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
