My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize