Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
