Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
