The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
