i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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