Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
