giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
