You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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