I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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