Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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