Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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