Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ketchup is God's man juice
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize