Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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