Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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