I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
