Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
