I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
