i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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