All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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