weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
