There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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