so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize