I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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