I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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