Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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