Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
