Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
