As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
