I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
