What a fucking waste of an outfit
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
my liver is dry heaving
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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