i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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