Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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