No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
