I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just forgot I was standing up.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
