I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
