don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
