I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
